The Phantom's Menace

Act 1

Scene 1

Scenes

Act 1
- Scene 1

Darth Sidious Stands waiting solemnly on the balcony of his hideout on Coruscant, staring out as the ships fly past in close formation.
Out of boredom he casually waves his hand and using the force he causes one to crash, causing a pile up. He grins to himself and whistles a cheerful song.
A Door swishes open and Darth Maul enters carrying a small brown paper bag.
Darth...

Ah! my apprentice, you have completed the task that I set you?
Yes, my Master! I have the new batteries for your Lightsaber.

Darth Maul
Maul hands over the paper bag.
Darth...

Excellent (IN STYLE OF MR BYRNES FROM THE SIMPSONS). At last you are ready, you have finished the Sith trials your training is complete. I have taught you everything I know!
While Sidious opens the bag and smiles to himself. Maul ignites his lightsaber and raises it to strike Sidious.
Darth...

(SURPRISED) What! Wait, what are you doing?
(CONFUSED) You said that my training is complete, now I kill you right?

Darth Maul
Darth...

(STILL CONFUSED) Huh!?!
Is it not the way of the Sith to kill ones Master upon completion of training. Did you not kill your own Master, Plageuis the Wise?

Darth Maul
Darth...

Well Yeeeeessssssss..... (TOO HIMSELF) Not very Wise if you ask me.....leaving your bedroom door unlocked at night when you share an apartment with a sociopath. Anyway, Uhm, I forgot one final task I have for you.
Yes, Master (DISENGAGES LIGHTSABER)

Darth Maul
Darth...

PHEW! Yes, yes you must kill the Queen of Naboo.
(EXCITED) Will the Jedi be guarding her??

Darth Maul
Darth...

Yes, but only by a hippy and his padawan learner, you won't have any trouble. Nothing for you to *GET CUT UP ABOUT* (SNIGGERS)
So I will win, you have foreseen this??

Darth Maul
Darth...

(LYING) Oh yes, and the extra training will be good for you. You might even *LOSE A FEW POUNDS AS WELL* (SNIGGERS AGAIN)
Erm, ok any last advise my Master?

Darth Maul
Darth...

Remember there are two of them, they will fight better together, try to ........*SPLIT THEM UP* (NOW LAUGHING )
But I will Win??

Darth Maul
Darth...

Yes (NOW WIIPING TEARS FROM EYES) you're *TWICE THE WARRIOR* they are... well you will be. (BURSTS OUT LAUGHING AGAIN).
(CONFUSED BY LAUGHTER) Eh, ok and then I come back, kill you and then become the Sith Master?

Darth Maul
Darth...

(SNIGGERING) Yes,...yes, unless, unless you are in *TWO MINDS* about it.........(STOPS LAUGHING & TO HIMSELF) No wait that doesn't work. Wait I've got it. I mean unless you want to share the Galaxy, we could *SLICE IT RIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE* and have *HALF* each (GUFFAWS)
Eh, Master?

Darth Maul
Darth...

(REGAINING HIS CONTROL) Oh, nothing, don't mind me. Just carry on.
(STARING RIGHTEOUSLY INTO THE SKY) At last it is time to reveal ourselves to the Jedi.

Darth Maul
Darth...

Yes, but not literally "reveal" like last time, no flashing your nasty red bits at them, we're evil, not pervs. Now go and fulfil your destiny ...Oh and if you come across an annoying little blonde kid, don't kill him, you might be tempted, (TO HIMSELF- I know I would be, the pretentious little Force Burp) but don't.
I shall return swiftly my Master.

Darth Maul
Sidious gives a false wave as Maul leaves.
Darth...

(TO HIMSELF) I think he really does have ingrowing horns, pity. Looks Like I've an opening for a new apprentice.
Sidious shakes his head as he looks in the paper bag. He Tuts disappointedly.
Darth...

These aren't the batteries I asked for.
He holds up the packet of batteries and peers at the writing.
Darth...

Galactic Power Batteries! **UNLIMITED POWER!** Phmmph!!! ... I don't think so!

The Phantom's Menace

Act 1

Scene 1

Scenes

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